Holy Shit!

**Quick note, I wrote this for myself last night and into the morning while drinking. It wasn't meant to be public really, but I realized it may help someone else somewhere and it's really the only way I know to thank everyone that's been apart of my life up till now. Oh yeah, and there's a bunch of swearing, in case that wasn't obvious. Enjoy and thanks!**




Holy Shit, the two words slipped from my Step-Mother's mouth when I reminded her and my Dad I was turning Thirty. Holy Shit indeed. When I think about the fact that a decade has slipped by I stop and wonder where the hell it went. I mean fuck, I'm turing THIRTY. As in kids that can drink today haven't got a clue about the music I grew up with thirty. Or what the hell is "cray" and why is "that shit" it thirty? I think I need a drink.


I feel old. No, I've been feeling old for a while, this is different. I can't describe how I feel. I sure as hell don't feel like an adult. My checking account is in a constant flux and I have no savings. I have health insurance so I guess that's one step towards adulthood, but is that how we can describe crossing the threshold? Is it possible to explain what makes one an adult versus not?


Thinking about it I guess I've been an adult for the last four years, since slightly before Sean was born. I can still remember the moment I realized my life was a mess and that I didn't want to treat parenting like one of those celebrities you find on the covers of tabloids. Before Sean had even taken his first breath I had started making personal changes for his benefit rather than my own. I guess that must have marked my transition to "responsible adult".


So what makes turning thirty such a big deal, it's just a number? Really there is no difference. I never felt any different at 16 than I did at 15, or 21 than 20 so why is it so important? It's how much I've grown. In the last four years I've pushed myself to become a better person and I'm finally starting to notice. Just in the last year alone I've made significant changes to better my (and my family's) future. It's the first time I can say that in my entire life.


After years of struggling to find my place in the world, by shear chance I stumbled into web development. The events that lead me to my current job and career are completely random, but when I think about it, they make total sense. Every job or hobby has taught me something that was a key factor in becoming a developer. Whether it was serving in the community, waiting tables, building houses or making photos, I took lessons from each and applied it to the next. The last year just happens to be the culmination of all those experiences.


So now that I know why thirty feels significant, how the hell did I get here? One word, hustle. Hustle has come to have so many meanings. To some it describes a swindler, stealing something that isn't theirs. To others it's quickly pushing shit out, even at the loss of quality. For me, hustle is to do what you have to do to move forward. It doesn't carry a negative connotation, but rather a positive one. To be determined and not let anything stand in you're way. To be cunning and agile, able to either find a way to solve a problem or work around it. Most of all, hustle means to ship.


So often today I see people unable to ship, no matter how hard they work. For me, to not ship is to fail, and I've failed a lot. But among all the failures were small achievements that opened up doors for new opportunities which led to more shipping and more opportunities. All of this led to my ultimate goal, a full time position making web sites. To many it seems like an odd goal to have, but to me it means the world, and I met it just in the nick of time. 


For the last year, building my skills in design and development have been my top priority (as well as being a good father and partner to Sean and Steph). Last winter after being laid off for three plus months I made a decision that if I wanted to be in control of my own future I had to leave carpentry. As much as I loved the trade, there wasn't any stability in residential remodeling and it was taking it's toll on me both physically and financially which eventually led to emotionally. I had waited long enough, it was time to do something.


Now that I realized what I need to do, how to do it, how do I ship? I knew I had to set a goal and hustle to meet it, if I didn't I'd lose interest and fall short. I set my thirtieth birthday as a date and gave up as much as I could while inconveniencing Steph and Sean as little as possible. This meant visiting family less, almost never seeing friends, giving up photography, quiting smoking, rarely drinking, and even taking pb&j and water for lunch every single day. Basically, it meant sacrifice, though it hardly is compared to the sacrifices many other people make every day.


In the end though, it all paid off. With a month to spare I got hired by a great company (CMN.com) that recognizes both my abilities and shortcomings and encourages me to keep pushing myself to increase the former and decrease the latter. With the new job has come an amazing new outlook on life. On days like today when I get to hang out w/ Sean at school instead of rushing off to commute to work or when I'm walking home instead of sitting in bumper to bumper traffic I realize how great thirty really is.


Today is the day I shed all the baggage of my twenties and am born a new man. A man with a positive outlook on life, a man with fewer hangups and dependencies, but most importantly, a man that can look back and say he worked his ass off and has something to show for it. After all that's what I hope to pass along to Sean more than anything else. An appreciation for hustle and the ability to ship as well as the wonderful life it can lead to. 


So I guess I have grown up, Holy Shit!






*Note - None of this would have been possible without the support of my friends and family. Without all of you to listen to me bitch when I got frustrated or push me forward when I got stuck, I would have quit a long time ago. I owe everything to each of you, especially Steph who put up with a lot of crap over the years.


**Additionally, there's been quite a few influences on my sense of determination from the internet world. Most importantly from Merlin Mann and Mike Monteiro. Both can be incredibly opinionated assholes, but both speak the truth even when you don't want to hear it. Their podcasts and writing heavily influenced my ability to recognize priority, let go of the bullshit and learn to ship all while maintaining a sense of purpose and humor. I seriously recommend either of their work to anyone, whether you work on the web or not.

Do Things Right the 1st Time

About a month ago I found this poster by 55Hi's. I knew right away I just had to have it, so I bought it on the spot, got myself #2 of 55 too. Since then I've been wanting to do something of my own, just for fun and as a learning experience. The only problem was I couldn't think of something that was inspiring enough to print and hang—cause what's the point if it's not right?. Yesterday my twitter feed was graced with a tweet from @nikibrown that I knew was perfect as soon as I saw it.

Dear John, I Give Up

An open letter to @johnonolan and this blog post.

When I first saw your post about quitting Dribbble I thought you made some good points despite the misguided dramatic actions, it's understandable to be upset. When you invest yourself into something and it fails to meet expectations, it leaves a dark stain that's hard to overlook. It's like a pen leaking ink on your favorite jeans, you're bound to be a bit emotional.

Unfortunately, I've realized you're really not much different than the people you complain about.

How I Got Where I Am Today....Which Isn't All That Far

"Desert Sunrise" - © James Wilson 

One of my first images playing with silhouettes, Spring 2007

The other day I was messaging back and forth with a friend on Twitter about where he was going with his photography and and one point he stated, "One day I would love to get in a gallery like yourself." I was a bit thrown off from the comment because I don't really think I'm successful at all. Sure my images are in a gallery, but it's a very new and very open business with about 25 other artists including crafts people selling jewelry and other small items. It's really more of a shop than a gallery and I honestly didn't do much of anything to get in, other than put myself out there. That doesn't mean I haven't worked my ass off to get this far.

Time Management aka Curbing the “Holy $%&# How is it Already 10pm!” Moments

“Clock”-© James Wilson

Over the Christmas break I read this amazing book, “Rework” by the guys from 37Signals. After finishing it (and it's a short read so it didn't take long) I realized I had already been working on some of the things they point out. Anyone that knows me, knows I stretch myself a bit thin. I always have and probably always will. Whether it’s work, family or my own interests, there never seems to be enough time in the day. Lately though, I’ve been trying to change the way I look at and manage the things I need/want to do.

Most importantly is learning to let go. This is something I really have to work on. I always want everything to be just perfect and don’t always think about the fact that no one else will even notice the little things that jump out and scream at me. Time and again my boss will be telling me not to worry about some little thing and it serves as a reminder that sometimes I’m a bit over zealous.

Creating Art in Multiple Mediums and Why Artistic Ability Seems So Elusive.

"Form Over Function!" - © James Wilson

For anyone that doesn’t know, I took up painting last week. It’s not really that far of a stretch because of my interests in photography and drawing, but I’ve never painted before. Sure I had the childhood painting projects using finger paints and water colors, but nothing remotely serious. It’s really ironic due to the fact that my mother has been a painter for pretty much all of my life, but I just never took an interest. I’m not sure exactly why, but I imagine it has to do with my own self doubt. I never thought I had a natural talent for the arts and so I never pursued them. It’s taken a while, but I’ve finally realized that everyone has a creative talent, but that over time we’ve put up this wall convincing ourselves we’re not good enough.

Print Giveaway!

The Amperkins ©James Wilson

In my quest to become more versed in the design world, I have stumbled upon (and taken a liking to) typography.  It’s really amazing the little things I’ve never known or noticed until entering the abyss of the typographic world.  Every thing around us, from signs to books, to the web, is made up of letters and words set in many, many different fonts and styles.  Along with this new interest is an obsession with a simple little character, the ampersand.  It’s everywhere I look and everything I think about.  I’ve even gone so far as to study it’s history and searched out others who have the same affliction.

Tonight being Halloween, I couldn’t help but turn our last two pumpkins into ampersands belonging to two of my favorite typefaces.  Now, here’s the challenge.  The first person to correctly identify both typefaces will receive any one of my 5x7 matted prints I have available, at zero cost, no bogus shipping charge, nothing.  The only clues I will give are that they both belong to a “super family” and both are set in their bold face.  Good luck, and remember your answer must be in the form of a comment here for it to count.

Jimmy

Here's a quick example of differences between my Amperkins and Times New Roman and Celeste Sans.